55 Funny Things To Write In A Birthday Card

It’s a friend or family member's birthday, and you know they enjoy a good joke! So picking a humorous birthday card with a funny birthday message is a must. Choosing a card may be the easiest part of this, whereas coming up with the perfect birthday best wishes to make them laugh can be tricky, especially if you’ve been put on the spot.

We've compiled our favourite funny messages to write in a birthday card to make the process much easier. Simply refer to the list and pick a message that best suits the recipient. You could even go a step further and personalise the funny birthday card message, making it unique to you and the birthday boy or girl.

Funny Birthday Age Related Messages

You’ll be the best judge of character to know if the recipient can take a joke at their own expense in regards to how old they are. Use with caution!

1. At that age, you’ve officially expired!
2. Older, wiser, and more drunk.
3. I couldn’t fit enough candles for your cake.
4. Happy birthday - you are officially old.
5. Hip, Hip-Replacement!
6. You’ll always be much, much older than me.
7. Like a fine wine you get better with age.
8. You can ride on the bus for free!
9. You’re how old???
10. Happy Birthday OLD friend
11. With age comes wisdom. But maybe not in your case.
12. Happy 20th + 30th!
13. You’re halfway to ‘80’!
14. You don’t look a day over 60!
15. Happy birthday! For today only, whatever age you're turning is the new 20.
16. Happy birthday! At this point in your life, you should really think of making a new start. 
17. You should really start lying about your age.

Short Funny Birthday Wishes

Sometimes a short message is all you need!

1. You. are. old.
2. Happy birthday grandad
3. Happy birthday granny
4. Older not wiser
5. Starting to sag
6. Happy birthday oldie
7. Happy birthday pensioner

Rude and Funny Birthday Messages

1. Keep your chin up - if you can!
2. I wouldn’t say you’re getting older… or at least not to your face.
3. Happy birthday. Even if you calculated your age in dog years, you would still be, well, old.
4. You aren’t necessarily getting older, but you are old.
5. Happy birthday! You're not old yet. You'll know you're old when your birthday candles cost more than your birthday cake.
6. Happy birthday! Your better half just told me that you’re getting better with age. Did you start to do chores around the house?
7. Happy birthday! When I turn your age, I will still be younger than you!
8. Happy birthday. At your age, you should really try to see everything as large as life…starting with LARGE print.
9. Happy birthday! Considering all the candles on your cake, I hope you remembered to top up your fire insurance.
10. Happy birthday! You've finally reached the age of wisdom but nobody wants to listen to you.
11. You know how most people, on your birthday, tell you, "you never seem to age." Well, I’m not one of them. Happy birthday.
12. Happy birthday! There's a good way to figure out if you're getting old: when you start to get brain dexterity games as birthday gifts.
13. Did you hear that ‘swoosh’ noise? The sound of your youth flying away.
14. You’re now at an age where you find you won’t be getting any wiser!
15. Happy birthday. Thank you for being the oldest person in the room.
16. Happy birthday! Today is the first day of the rest of your tired and achy life.
17. Happy birthday! As your younger friend, it’s my duty to remind you that you’re still older than me.
18. Happy birthday. You know you're getting older when you go from being “carded” for alcohol purchases to being asked, "would you like the senior's discount, sir?"
19. Happy birthday! You're old enough to fall in love, walk down the aisle and make us grandparents — in that order, of course.
20. Happy birthday. May you live to be so old that you redefine the smell of old person smell.
21. Happy birthday! You're not old yet. You'll know when you're old once your kids have the fire department on speed dial when you blow out your birthday candles.
22. Wish you were a kid again? Wish you had no money, no credit, no car, no privacy and no freedom? No? I thought so. Have a happy birthday instead!
23. Happy birthday! Wish you looked younger today? Not going to happen. Next wish?

Belated Funny Birthday Messages

We’ve all been there before and forgotten a friend's birthday. Well if you do remember before it’s really too late, send them a belated birthday card and point some fun at that fact you forgot! 

1. I’m sure you got plenty of cards the other day. But wouldn’t you like to receive a card today instead?
2. I didn’t think you’d make it this long and forgot to send a card out. Happy Birthday!
3. Sorry I wasn’t there with you to mourn the loss of your youth. Happy birthday!
4. It’s not your fault, buddy. No one can help the fact that you’re growing old, and that I totally forgot… Happy belated birthday!
5. This is the last time I wait for Facebook to notify me on whose birthday it is!
6. It’s so tough to believe that you are getting older, that I decided to wish you a happy birthday late this year.
7. Sorry I missed your birthday… you never know, you might have another one next year?